I swore I will never get anyway close to having a relationship... The world of relationships, it's just so hurting and.. sufferings only. I got close to it once, but never really experience real relationship, yet it hurt me that much that it just so terrible. Well that's why I realized that Being a single rocks more then anything in the world, cause there's nothing like relationships to worry about. I'm a Bachelor. To be a successful Bachelor, I'll have to resist all kinds of temptations that'll lead me getting involved in relationships matters.
But just as much as I don't want to see it, the more it appears. Just like Green Lantern & Hawkgirl, .... And this, some how tried to influence what I'm thinking.. I don't want to live my life in love with someone. I don't want and never will i want.
Then, come this girl into my life - Jiahui. She sat beside me, talked to me first, sends FB game's gift to me first, everything first. So i thought everything will be under controlled, I won't have any feeling for her or anything that'll make me like her. I continued to send her FB gifts, talk to her about bachelorism, but as I continue to talk about bachelors (one thing that she doesn't like), she somehow gets angry or annoyed, and i had this special feeling that i did wrong to her and i want her to continue to talk to me, so I stopped talking about bachelors, to gain more opportunity to talk to her. As we're always competing for table space, she always had her arms on my table to make it her territory. I resisted it and push her arms, trying to claim my table space back. At this very moment, when I touch her, i felt even special feelings inside my heart.. Like i really do like her now...
I don't really want myself to get hurt just because i get near to relationship boundaries. I don't know what she feels about me, and lesson learnt: Never give in to your feelings when you first felt it. It's all up to God's decision and fate now.
Meanwhile I'll just have to resist it even stronger and cage my feelings for her up, for the greater good and freedom foe myself.
